Wednesday, December 30

Rain.



"Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me."- John Lennon, The Beatles

Rain. It can be dreary. As a child I use to watch Disney's Classic Winnie the Pooh. I use to tell my mom, "Poor little Eeyore. He just can't seem to get rid of his rain cloud." Funny how in recent years of my early adulthood has often felt as if Eeyore packaged up his small, storm cloud and then sent it to my reign over my head.

The cloud on any given day could be the the alarm clock that didn't go off on a school day. Only the sound of the passing school bus echoing up our street in it's almost mocking tone would become my new alarm for the day, or maybe the Cheerios were spilled onto my freshly cleaned floors (that I spent three hours cleaning) or that the house looked as if a bomb had exploded and the energy that it would take to clean it did not match my current level.

Whatever reason it may of been, this past year I've had the realization that there is no use for me to dwell in the gloom. It takes a decision for happiness. It doesn't just "happen." Yes, something positive may happen in your life that could spawn an immediate smile or wave of happiness, but it is ultimately your decision to let it effect you. The same rule of decision should also be remembered too during a negative experience. You either sit around and feel sorry for yourself or simply gather yourself (and sometimes that means all the tiny pieces), pick up and move on. The latter takes much more work to achieve an expert

Sounds simple. But is it? I believe it is an acquired skill. Some people are born with it. Some keep it. Some lose it over the years and some never posses it.

For me, it was the second. I must say, however, that "losing" my skill didn't happen overnight. In fact, it just as long to "give up" as it did to gain it back again. In my younger years, I was that person who rain out into the rain, splashing, laughing and singing. Completely carefree. It was bliss. Did people think I was nuts? Some. However, there would also be those who would join while others only wishing and hoping for a big breeze to grab their umbrellas, leaving them in the rain.

The past five years have been a whirlwind of events that have tore my heart. It's been hard. Real hard. Do I wish that some of it never happened? Maybe. I can't imagine it happening any other way now. Why? Ultimately, I feel stronger and happier. Because of that I'm not sure that I'd want to compromise that growth for an easier path. I guess Lennon was partially right when he said, "Nothing's gonna change my world" what he should of said is, It's my decision to change my world.

Currently, it's 4:45pm on a Wednesday afternoon. As I sit in my pj's right now, I'm proud to say I'm okay with it. Today, it was a conscious decision that I'd wear them. It wasn't from an Eeyore-like rain cloud and I didn't choose not to wear them out of fear of what others will think. I've chose change. I've chose happiness. That is growth.

To me? That's better than any sunny day.

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Now this is what I call music!