Mel's Legacy

Rain.

2009-12-30T13:17:00.000-08:00

"Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me."- John Lennon, The Beatles

Rain. It can be dreary. As a child I use to watch Disney's Classic Winnie the Pooh. I use to tell my mom, "Poor little Eeyore. He just can't seem to get rid of his rain cloud." Funny how in recent years of my early adulthood has often felt as if Eeyore packaged up his small, storm cloud and then sent it to my reign over my head.

The cloud on any given day could be the the alarm clock that didn't go off on a school day. Only the sound of the passing school bus echoing up our street in it's almost mocking tone would become my new alarm for the day, or maybe the Cheerios were spilled onto my freshly cleaned floors (that I spent three hours cleaning) or that the house looked as if a bomb had exploded and the energy that it would take to clean it did not match my current level.

Whatever reason it may of been, this past year I've had the realization that there is no use for me to dwell in the gloom. It takes a decision for happiness. It doesn't just "happen." Yes, something positive may happen in your life that could spawn an immediate smile or wave of happiness, but it is ultimately your decision to let it effect you. The same rule of decision should also be remembered too during a negative experience. You either sit around and feel sorry for yourself or simply gather yourself (and sometimes that means all the tiny pieces), pick up and move on. The latter takes much more work to achieve an expert

Sounds simple. But is it? I believe it is an acquired skill. Some people are born with it. Some keep it. Some lose it over the years and some never posses it.

For me, it was the second. I must say, however, that "losing" my skill didn't happen overnight. In fact, it just as long to "give up" as it did to gain it back again. In my younger years, I was that person who rain out into the rain, splashing, laughing and singing. Completely carefree. It was bliss. Did people think I was nuts? Some. However, there would also be those who would join while others only wishing and hoping for a big breeze to grab their umbrellas, leaving them in the rain.

The past five years have been a whirlwind of events that have tore my heart. It's been hard. Real hard. Do I wish that some of it never happened? Maybe. I can't imagine it happening any other way now. Why? Ultimately, I feel stronger and happier. Because of that I'm not sure that I'd want to compromise that growth for an easier path. I guess Lennon was partially right when he said, "Nothing's gonna change my world" what he should of said is, It's my decision to change my world.

Currently, it's 4:45pm on a Wednesday afternoon. As I sit in my pj's right now, I'm proud to say I'm okay with it. Today, it was a conscious decision that I'd wear them. It wasn't from an Eeyore-like rain cloud and I didn't choose not to wear them out of fear of what others will think. I've chose change. I've chose happiness. That is growth.

To me? That's better than any sunny day.

What I'd pay to go to Prom again....

2009-05-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Oh, to be a kid again! The thought kept last Friday as a I snapped each passing moment of a prom group as they giggled and laughed nervously awaiting their magical night to begin. As I moved around the group, I kept watching their smiles and eyes, waiting to see each others reaction. Once reassured that everyone was just as nervous, they all began to loosen up and have fun. It was going to be a night to remember.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

2009-01-15T20:34:00.000-08:00

So today's the day. It's amazing to think what all has happened in those four years. Four years ago, Hannah was 3 and Katie, 4. Fast forward and today we have an amazing 7 and 8 year old. (Not to mention our newest addition, Owen, who is one.)

I've often found over these past few years that marriage isn't easy. In fact, it will be at times one of the hardest things you've ever committed to; I'd be lying if I didn't say so myself!

I recently read this article from Redbook Magazine that was amazing. It took the words right out of my mouth. If I could only give a copy to every friend of mine on their wedding day and not getting scowling reactions, I would. So instead, I'll have to post it here in hopes they will stumble across my blog and read it. If this is your first marriage, PLEASE read this and picture yourself feeling like this...because you will at some point feel this way. Then, ask yourself if you are strong enough to forgive...KNOW that significant other is MORE THAN LIKELY *(by a 99% chance in most situations) going to mess up and do the SAME thing over again.

And for you other readers who already have the 'ol ball-n-chain, well, read this and know you are not alone!

Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage
The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths married folks all face -- and how they teach us about what love really means.

By Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook

You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.

That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."

Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.

Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."

5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.

Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at

8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.
I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

It's a Progressive kind of thing...

2008-12-19T23:40:00.001-08:00

Recently, I attended my very first Progressive dinner. For years I have wanted to participate in one, but with three kids (one being less than a year old) the very thought of having a night out to one's self was only a daydream. Fortunately my luck proved great this year and the hubby decided to take the kids to Chicago the weekend our local Garden Club booked theirs. Four weeks later I attended. Yes, it was just as great as imagined. And then some.

1st Course (My house): Pumpkin Curry Soup

2nd Course: Rotini Olive & Mushroom Pasta Salad
Decor at house #2

3rd Course: Hors D' Ouerves (instead of an entree)
Some of the selections in a closer view:

4th Course: Dessert (Of course!)
Eggnog for everyone!

Vanilla bean custard (homemade)

Some Decor at home #4:

And last but NEVER the least (trust me!)
House #5: After Dinner Drinks and "Dirty Santa" (aka "White Elephant")

The basement and bar:

Snap it up!

2008-11-28T23:23:00.000-08:00

Voila! I think I might have just found my new business name!! (Now don't steal it...lol) Check out my newest shots.

Our 2008 Christmas Card...I think...
The Miller Family Portrait

Summer's Gone....

2008-09-02T23:12:00.001-07:00

My two favorite self-created quotes and pictures. Together.

"I live life to the fullest- My kids are my life. Could it get much fuller than that?"

"I still cry on the first day of school...and I'm not even the one that's going!"

Feed the hungry with words?

2008-07-29T13:24:00.001-07:00

I bet you never knew that it could be so easy! I stumbled across the freerice.com and just LOVE it! Not only does it help me freshen up on my vocab (so that I might be able to catch up with those of Dawson's creek so that I can watch old episodes and FINALLY understand) but I actually can make a difference with my boredom!

For each word definition you get right, freerice.com donates 20 grains of rice through the UN World HungerFood Program to help end hunger. In ten minutes, I got 150 words right, therefore giving 3, 020 grains of rice for my contribution.
Just think- now I can do laundry, make beds, wash dirty dishes AND help with world hunger. Not bad for a lazy day!

When do mommies really take a vacation?

2008-07-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

I can't help but really wonder about the very thought of a real one as I sit here typing this blog. In the background, my ten month old son screams loud that my ears ring and, almost simultaneouly, I hear a crash in my six year old daughter's room. The scream is his newest "trick" that he learned from his two older sisters several weeks ago on our eighteen hour drive back from our family lakehouse in Wisconsin and as to the crash, well, I'm going to have to run down the hall really quick to investigate.

I can't help but try and find the hysterical irony in the fact that my husband, who lives in the same house as me, does not see being a mommy as a job. Now, when I say this, I think that all other mommies out there are nodding in agreement and that it's not me singling out my my poor ignorant husband. It seems to be quite the universal thought among daddies and husbands. If you're not married, please place this observation somewhere in the depths of your mind so that you will not be shocked when your boyfriend of 5 years and fiance of 1, quickly adopts this theory once you are married and have little tots of your own. The scary part of this is that the change in their opinion at this point is merely instinct. Yes. Instinct. Crazy, isn't it?!

Recently, after being upset with my husband with his being a "full-time mommy-doesn't-mean- its-a-real-job-and-you deserve-a-day-off?!" attitude I thought about what I'd write on in a wanted ad to replace me. Here's what I came up with:

Position: Homemaker-Chief Executive officer

Description: Multi-tasker in high volume facility. Personal chef, housekeeper, tutor, librarian, accountant, personal planner, nanny, engineer, landscaper, chauffer.

That's TEN positions in one! I can't help but be delighted of the thought of sharing this with my husband. If you're a mommy or wife, what would you put in your ad?

I'm ready to share my life of chaos!!

2008-05-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

I had a complaint today. I'm not keeping up with everyone like I use to do. I hate that. Really, I do. If you know me- no, I am not being sarcastic! I have found that, despite having three kids, life goes on. It doesn't stop and wait for you when your little one screams for two hours as you continuously rock him in the most desperate way so that you might be spared with one hour to yourself before you go to sleep. It doesn't stop when you wake up only to realize seconds later that your left eye has decided to become infected and, while it suddenly feels like it is on fire, your nine month is now ready for his morning bananas and rice cereal. Moms, are you feeling me?? Dads are you lost? :)

Through this new experience of being a mommy of three, I've quickly discovered that I'm much better at multi-tasking than I ever thought I could be -and -my husband sucks at it! (Sorry, honey, I love you!) The first time I recall this "enlightenment" was during a phone conversation with the billing department from my power company about five months ago.

To give you a better picture of the circumstances....

It was December, I had recently broken my left arm and my son was three months old. Could it get any worse? Well... if you add any poor husband into the mix, then yes....it can.

Now, as a quick side note, I LOVE my husband. He's an extremely intellegent guy (He flies commercial airplanes for pete's sake) but when it comes to maternal (or paternal in his case) instincts, we might as well throw in the towel.

There I was in the kitchen, broken left arm, baby in other, cordless phone attached to one ear and the lady asks me for my check card number. I had planned this all out except there was one tiny kink. My purse was not where it had been last! UGGHH.

I calmly ask the lady if I could place her on a brief hold while I locate my purse. She professionally replied that it would be her pleasure. Enter a brief moment of relief.

Then my son decides he's hungry. Enter slight panic.

I quickly locate my husband lying across our bed leisurely enjoying his computer time and ask if he would A.) give me his check card and B.) take care our crying, hungry son until I finished the phone conversation.

His response?

"Why, of course, honey. I'd love to help you out, afterall, I can see that you have your hands full."

HAHAHAHAHAHA. YEAH, RIGHT!

Instead, he says in a very agitated tone, "How am I suppose to hold him and fix his bottle at the same time?"

I never knew that I had a vein in the side of my forehead, but on that day, I discovered it as I tried everything in my power to hold back how I really felt. If it had not been for the uncontrollable laughter from the billing department lady on the other end of the line who had practically been thrown in the middle of our little spat, I would of lost it.

When the lady finally caught her breath, she apologized for the outburst in laughter, but then added "Just like a man. He has no clue what all you can do at one time, eh? He may not, but I had five children in seven years, so I'm with you."

Then we quickly moved on to finish and process the transaction. As I hung up the phone that day, I suddenly didn't feel so alone anymore or that I had it that bad.

FIVE children in SEVEN years?

As I joined my clueless husband in the kitchen, screaming baby and all, I thought to myself: bones will heal and babies will quickly grow but what I had noticed about the lady in the billing department was that she had laughed because she missed the chaos. So I just embraced the moment and moved on.